Empty Glass - By Kendall Fry
God Ben's an asshole. Thinks he can be blatantly patronizing because he's the best salesman on the lot. Bullshit! Who was the guy who sold that Honda Accord to that old man today? I’m pretty sure that was me… And who was the guy who sold that ugly Buick Enclave to that overly excited teen yesterday? Oh that's right, me!
This is what I've been doing lately, arguing with myself I mean. I would argue to someone else but I have no one in my corner at the moment. Which is also bullshit! Who was the one who cheated on me? And it's wrong of me to not give her another chance? It's not like she ever gave me chances in our sham of a marriage. The intensity of my anxious thoughts strikes my body, shooting heat through my limbs.
I walk faster to warm me up in the nipping almost piercing air. I should have brought a jacket, but hey, when you have a piece of shit you call life, you start to forget the important things! I run up to my car just to find out that my car isn't letting me in. Just when I thought nothing else could go wrong today! Now my cars shutting me out, who's next?
I trudge like a wounded soldier to a nearby bench for stability next to the city fountain. I fall back into the remaining room on the frozen bench next to what seems to be a very preppy looking woman. She’s perched as if replicating one of those mannequins I see in all those stores Vanessa used to drag me too. Her right hand is propped up on her left leg that is resting on her right, hiding the left hand that caressing her thin waist. To avoid any potential eye contact I revert my eyes to the fountain in front of me. I think about how I can never remember the name of this fountain. Vanessa always made fun of me for that. I guess I ‘only remember what I want to remember’ like she said in our last fight before the whole cheating incident transpired. That's when our fights were about stupid things, like when I leave glasses and bowls in the sink instead of next to the sink.
My eyes wander back to the woman beside me. I watch her stare at the nearest street lamp. The lamps light reflects in her warm brown eyes. Her slightly curled hair falls perfectly over her shoulder like those waterfalls we saw in Hawaii on Vanessa and I's anniversary 2 years ago. Vanessa never did her hair like that, she didn't believe in dolling herself up for me, she wore everything for herself and no one more. Which I respected until she started nagging me to shave. Would it have killed her to at least shave her legs for me from time to time?
The woman wore a very preppy dress that shaped her body very well. It was a very flattering orange, a very bright orange. I think girls like her would call it a coral color, like that makes any difference. At least Vanessa wasn't that compulsive. She would roll her eyes if anyone corrected her on if something was a coral orange or just orange…. I loved that about her…. But I guess my love wasn't enough....
This thought sparked an almost suffocating pressure in my throat. Before the tears in my eyes could fall to my lap, drawing attention to this aching feeling that shoved its way into my life, I opened my mouth for the first time in 2 hours of internally conversation.
"Would you know how to break into a car by any chance?"
I seemed to break her from the spell of that street light and started to regret saying anything. She looked at me and giggled sweetly. The balls of her cheeks became full and with the added glare from the street light, almost shaping them to resemble polished fruit.
"No, I do not.... my husband would know but he's up in Europe on a business trip. I would ask but it's only like 3 in the morning there and he has a big meeting when he wakes up." she replied. Did she realize I was only joking?
"He actually uhhh.... asked me to marry him here."She added, looking back up at the street light with just as much pride as Neil Armstrong did towards his flag on the moon, grinning with those same vibrant cheeks.
I didn't really know how to respond so the only thing that came out of my mouth was:
"Oh, that's .... nice..."
This was when I realized how socially inept I've become when it came to talking to attractive women.
"I always come here when he's on his business trips. I don't feel as lonely anymore,"she responded. I turn my face so that she won't see me rolling my eyes. Lucky her!
She continues to confess what seems to be her life story, "I know it's cheesy, you'd think I'd have friends by now to keep me company but I actually just had a darling baby girl and this is the only time I can get any alone time. But then I come here and wish I had my husband so that I didn't feel lonely. It's silly I know." I could feel my ears burn up along with a shock of urgency…Danny! He has no idea about the divorce. I don't even think he knows about the cheating incident. What happens when me and Vanessa get a divorce? How will her react? I start to rub my upper thighs, a nervous habit of mine. Once my panic dies down I force myself to continue the conversation.
"Congrats on your newborn! My son just graduated.... heee's….. becoming a .... doctor!"
Okay…., that was a lie..., he's a mortician and he dropped out of college after his second year but she doesn't have to know that.
She seems excited by my answer.
"That's great! My father was a doctor, he really loved his work. Probably because he did pretty well for himself. He wanted me to be a doctor but I got into management at a very young age. I'm a corporate executive for Wells Fargo."
She has an amazing family and a wealthy job? Her perfect life is starting to give me a headache. To avoid anymore conversation I begin to pull out my phone. The bright screen forces my face to flinch and makes my eyes tear a little. I can feel her eyes on me.
"Sorry, I think I just got a text from my wife." I tell her, giving myself an excuse.
"She's very needy these days....You know how it can be? You leave for a couple days... to Las Vegas with the guys and she already misses you." I felt compelled to make things up. As if my lies were wishes and this woman was a gene. As if this fantasy would magically appear in reality.
"I should check my phone as well,” she replies sweetly, although her body language seems as if I offended her.
As I check my recent calls I notice a voice mail from Vanessa. Once I read her name, my body began to feel as if it was melting, like the feelings I had been suppressing were increasing in significance, barreling its way down my throat and landing into my stomach. The feeling where you can’t tell if you're either excited or anxious.
“Another voicemail from her, one more voice mail and people will think it's an emergency!” I joke. She forces herself to laugh. I force myself to grin and hold up my index finger to symbolize that I will continue the conversation in a minute. I slowly get up and walk left of the fountain. I sit down on the frosty edge of it. Slowly lifting the phone to my ear to hear the voice message, I think of all the ways this message could go.
“Hi Liam…, it’s me,” the sound of my name from her voice pierces a piece of me. " I would like to see you on Thursday. I made a appointment with a divorce counselor...." Any of the hope I had left died then and there.
"We don't have to go yet if your not ready. I know this is all new to you. Its new to me too.... I just thought it was a good idea to try it out. Let me know your opinion. I think we should wait before we talk to Danny. Just until we have a foundation and we have everything figured out.... Okay.... well I'm ganna keep staying at my mom's, I'll try to contact you tomorrow.... Bye." I wasn't used to her ending the voice mail with 'bye'. I began to recall what she always said... “see you at home”. But there was no home for neither of us to go to. Our home was non existent when she brought that man into our bedroom that one conceded day. My body lost all its feeling. I felt numb. Lifeless. That's when I remember that I was the one who she left to sleep in that bed of her greed and self - obsession. My body regained its strength. The anger rekindled. Why couldn’t she be the one to lay in her own regret and mistakes?
I then promised myself that I would never sleep in that bed again. The bed that broke the home it stood on. Where would I sleep? The couch? I guess that would do. But I didn’t want to go home yet. It’s not like I could unless I broke into my own car.
I got up from the fountain and began to walk back to the bench when I realized the woman was gone. I must have taken too long to return, or she probably had to go back to her perfect life. I was alone again. Maybe I was alone the whole time but I felt comfort in the presence of another. In the company of a kind stranger.
My body collapsed back on the bench. The cold steel cooled my temper a little. I glanced up at that street light. It shed some light on the memory of when I proposed to Vanessa.
